i think my tv is drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
