I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
