Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
