did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
