i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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