Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
