So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
