If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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