I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
