We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
