good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
