I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
