I am spending my child support on dildos
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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