PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As shirtless as possible
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
