so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would fuck him just for his dog
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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