there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
