conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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