The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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