I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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