did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this hospital has no fireball
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
