Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
