I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
a search helicopter?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
