eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
