We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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