I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
