I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's paint friendship bongs
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
