I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
