'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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