He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
