Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
