Yo dont text me then not text me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
