I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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