you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
