Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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