do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
