ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
