Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
