I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
