I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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