On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
