Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
