I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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