Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
