the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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