Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I did not marry a roomba.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
