i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
