In the future we'll all be gay
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
there is glitter all over my balls
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