I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
