Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
