Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
