google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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