How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
