there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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