there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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