And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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