Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Terrible idea I love it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
