I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
